Play Therapy for Foster Care & Adoption | Relationship-Focused Child Counseling

FOSTER CARE & ADOPTION

Relationship-Focused Play Therapy for Children and Caregivers

I work with children who are currently in foster care and children who have been adopted. These children often bring unique developmental, emotional, and relational needs that are frequently misunderstood or overlooked by systems, schools, and even well-intentioned professionals.

Because of the complexity of this work, I intentionally limit the number of foster care cases I accept at any given time to ensure that each child and caregiver receives thoughtful, consistent, and relationship-centered care. I do not place the same limits on work with children who have been adopted.

Why Foster Care and Adoption Present Unique Challenges

Children who have experienced foster care, multiple placements, or early disruptions in caregiving often struggle not because they are “defiant” or “unmotivated,” but because their development has been shaped by experiences that required adaptation for survival.

These children may show:

intense emotional reactions
difficulty with regulation
challenges in relationships
behaviors that do not respond to typical parenting strategies

Understanding why these patterns exist is essential to helping children and caregivers move forward together.

Development Begins Before Birth

One important area I consider when working with fostered or adopted children is early development, including prenatal and early life experiences. High stress during pregnancy, lack of prenatal care, and prenatal substance exposure can affect brain development, regulation, and learning.

These early influences do not define a child—but they do matter when understanding attention, memory, impulse control, emotional regulation, and problem-solving. In some cases, I may recommend consultation with other professionals (such as neuropsychological testing or medical evaluation) to better understand how a child’s brain is functioning and how best to support them.

Play therapy remains a central intervention, helping children build regulation, integration, and relational safety over time.

Neglect and Its Long-Term Impact

I believe neglect is one of the most damaging and least understood forms of childhood adversity. Unlike abuse, neglect involves the absence of consistent care, responsiveness, and emotional engagement—elements children need for healthy development.

Neglect can affect:

emotional development and self-esteem
cognitive growth and learning
physical health and coordination
social understanding and relationships

Children who have experienced neglect often struggle not because they are unwilling, but because key developmental skills were never fully supported or integrated.

When Consequences Don’t Work: Understanding Causal Reasoning

One of the most frustrating—and misunderstood—challenges for caregivers and teachers is when consequences, rewards, and punishments simply don’t work. In many fostered and adopted children, this is not a behavioral issue—it is a developmental one.

Some children have not yet developed strong causal reasoning skills, meaning they struggle to understand cause-and-effect relationships. When this skill is underdeveloped, sticker charts, behavior plans, and punishments are often ineffective and can increase shame and disconnection.

For these children, the focus must shift from behavior management to relationship, structure, and co-regulation.

Because of this, I generally do not recommend traditional reward-and-punishment systems for children with significant difficulties in causal reasoning.

How Play Therapy and Filial Skills Help

Play therapy provides children with a developmentally appropriate way to organize experiences, practice regulation, and build relational understanding. For caregivers, I often integrate filial therapy skills, which support parents and caregivers in:

organizing a child’s world more predictably
responding reflectively rather than reactively
strengthening attuned and responsive interactions
repairing moments of rupture in the relationship

These experiences help children develop skills they were never given the opportunity to build earlier in life.

The Importance of Reflection and Repair

Above all, my work with fostered and adopted children emphasizes the caregiver’s ability to reflect and repair. No caregiver gets it right all the time. What matters most is the ability to notice, reflect, and reconnect after moments of disconnection.

It is within these reflective, reparative relationships that children experience safety, growth, and lasting change.